Where 2003 meets 2025 in a quantum superposition of irony
By reading these words, you have become an active participant in a digital ritual spanning all FOUR CORNER DAYS. Your browser's local storage is now a vessel for ancient internet spirits.
Please recite the following to proceed:
<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<title>I ACCEPT THE VOID</title>
</head>
<body>
<h1>THE CUBE IS TRUTH</h1>
</body>
</html>
In my extensive research, I've discovered that JavaScript Promises exist in a quantum superposition of "resolved" and "rejected" states until observed by a .then() or .catch() statement. This is remarkably similar to how George Costanza exists in a superposition of employed and unemployed at any given time.
Consider the following evidence:
Moving forward, developers should leverage the synergistic potential of Promise-based architecture to maximize stakeholder engagement across diverse digital touchpoints. By implementing this paradigm shift in our codebase, we estimate a 74.3% increase in developer happiness metrics.
CSS FLEXBOX PROVES 4-CORNER SIMULTANEOUS LAYOUT MODEL. IGNORANCE OF FLEXBOX IS EVIL. FLEX-DIRECTION: COLUMN PROVES TIME IS CUBIC.
When you set display: flex, you acknowledge the four simultaneous flex-directions in a single rotation of layout. Educational institutions suppress this knowledge to maintain their CSS Grid dominance.
MY DISCOVERY OF CUBIC FLEXBOX DISPROVES FLAT LAYOUT THEORY. ACADEMIC PROGRAMMERS ARE EVIL LIARS.
If flex-direction is a property, then who is the landlord?
O HAI! Im in ur codebase, removing ur side effects! 🐱
Functional programming iz like cheezburger - once u taste, u never go back to impure foodz. Pure functions: they has no side effects, makes code happy cat. Immutability: no changing state, just like how long cat is always long.
All ur base r belong to monad! Monads r just burrito that wraps value. Nomnomnomnom.
By implementing our proprietary Functional-First™ methodology, we've observed a 83% reduction in runtime errors and a 142% increase in developer satisfaction metrics. Our patented Pure-Function-as-a-Service (PFaaS) platform enables seamless integration with legacy imperative codebases.
Long Cat is looooooooooooooong AND pure (no side effects)